Too much is never enough..
Its been awhile ever since i have the time to blog about stuff..
Many things happened,many things learned,many mistakes made,many mistakes stored in people's mind,many people who will hurt and many people who will be hurt.
Everyday for me is a war with everyone all around me and worst of all- war with myself.
War with other people whom we are able to make peace with,but unanswered question i often ask,-How do i make peace with myself?..
When all i could do is bash my soul up and pressuring myself to be the best to do all i can, to be what everyone expect me to be, what everyone wants me to be, what everyone else thought i should be, what everyone else thought i am better if i'm bruised.
All these have taken me to think in another level.The other level that i thought its impossible to think about,to reach that high breaking point that i mistakenly think it doesn't exist..I never type or spoke like this before.
Somehow, what i've gone through recently had me changed drasticly to how i think,how i react, how i will feel and how i will view about everything at the end of the day.
For anyone who know me well enought,i'm a chirpy,bubbly,happy-go-lucky girl and am really good at hiding problems from others.I'm neither easily angered nor easily annoyed.But i cant help but to feel people are taking advantages on my strength.The strength to hold unpleasantness deep inside and not letting it penetrade out.As many ups and downs i've gone through, i have yet to believe there's plenty of worthfull or disasterous obstacles ahead of me.
In one way or another,i smile to myself now and then..How could i stay alive this long?.the reason for my strength,my belief and my confidence is God.He is always there for me.No matter how i betrayed his trust and triggered my promises at times,he still keeps me up on my feet.
Never the less i just could not tolerate people who do not understand the meaning of 'individuality'. Every individual being has their own ways in getting in to them.How do you convey what you are saying to an individual who need ways and tactics to get through them?.
For some people,a little of ruffling up and lots of pressure and they are on their way to success,..that will be the stereotype of method to be misused to EVERYone..tsk..tsk..There are people who needs a nicer and deeper approach to get through them.Why is it so hard for human beings to be less hostile towards their own kind and be more delicate.Still chose to ignore the existance of the word 'Rebel','Fear','Unconfident' and the lists goes on.
I could not really type about what i have been through recently to make me the way i am now,the morality of the situation itself has not been rested yet.My mind is like the cyclone itself waiting to be transformed to something massive.I am still dealing with hypocrites,black hearted bitches and snakes in a form of human. Never have i felt my life is such in a troubled mode like these ever before.Constantly being Over-pressured by people around me like as though they view me as a Lab-rat for experiments,"What will we do if the rat dies boss?","Well,..we'll get another new rat then!..".Sheesh..how disgusted i am with these sort of behavior.These self-centred and heartless people.Who enjoys comparing everyone else to one another and pressurized and bulliying people who are weaker.
How hard i tried in satisfying others who have expectations towards me,still,my best is never ever good enough..The worst thing for superior to be doing,is 'Trying to bring out the best in that person but instead, they brought out the worst in them'..Thanks to people like them,another poor soul's life and morale is destroyed..
Many things happened,many things learned,many mistakes made,many mistakes stored in people's mind,many people who will hurt and many people who will be hurt.
Everyday for me is a war with everyone all around me and worst of all- war with myself.
War with other people whom we are able to make peace with,but unanswered question i often ask,-How do i make peace with myself?..
When all i could do is bash my soul up and pressuring myself to be the best to do all i can, to be what everyone expect me to be, what everyone wants me to be, what everyone else thought i should be, what everyone else thought i am better if i'm bruised.
All these have taken me to think in another level.The other level that i thought its impossible to think about,to reach that high breaking point that i mistakenly think it doesn't exist..I never type or spoke like this before.
Somehow, what i've gone through recently had me changed drasticly to how i think,how i react, how i will feel and how i will view about everything at the end of the day.
For anyone who know me well enought,i'm a chirpy,bubbly,happy-go-lucky girl and am really good at hiding problems from others.I'm neither easily angered nor easily annoyed.But i cant help but to feel people are taking advantages on my strength.The strength to hold unpleasantness deep inside and not letting it penetrade out.As many ups and downs i've gone through, i have yet to believe there's plenty of worthfull or disasterous obstacles ahead of me.
In one way or another,i smile to myself now and then..How could i stay alive this long?.the reason for my strength,my belief and my confidence is God.He is always there for me.No matter how i betrayed his trust and triggered my promises at times,he still keeps me up on my feet.
Never the less i just could not tolerate people who do not understand the meaning of 'individuality'. Every individual being has their own ways in getting in to them.How do you convey what you are saying to an individual who need ways and tactics to get through them?.
For some people,a little of ruffling up and lots of pressure and they are on their way to success,..that will be the stereotype of method to be misused to EVERYone..tsk..tsk..There are people who needs a nicer and deeper approach to get through them.Why is it so hard for human beings to be less hostile towards their own kind and be more delicate.Still chose to ignore the existance of the word 'Rebel','Fear','Unconfident' and the lists goes on.
I could not really type about what i have been through recently to make me the way i am now,the morality of the situation itself has not been rested yet.My mind is like the cyclone itself waiting to be transformed to something massive.I am still dealing with hypocrites,black hearted bitches and snakes in a form of human. Never have i felt my life is such in a troubled mode like these ever before.Constantly being Over-pressured by people around me like as though they view me as a Lab-rat for experiments,"What will we do if the rat dies boss?","Well,..we'll get another new rat then!..".Sheesh..how disgusted i am with these sort of behavior.These self-centred and heartless people.Who enjoys comparing everyone else to one another and pressurized and bulliying people who are weaker.
How hard i tried in satisfying others who have expectations towards me,still,my best is never ever good enough..The worst thing for superior to be doing,is 'Trying to bring out the best in that person but instead, they brought out the worst in them'..Thanks to people like them,another poor soul's life and morale is destroyed..
posted by Manje Moshiza at
1:02 AM
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